Real Programmers
- Real Programmers don’t write specs – users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.
- Real Programmers don’t comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand and even harder to modify.
- Real Programmers use C since it’s the easiest language to spell.
- Real Programmers have no use for managers. Managers are sometimes a necessary evil. Managers are good for dealing with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners and other mental defectives.
- Real Programmers don’t write application programs; they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can’t do systems programming.
- Real Programmers’ programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in “only a few” 30-hour debugging sessions.
- Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 AM, it’s because they were up all night.
- Real Programmers don’t write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC, after the age of 12.
- Real Programmers don’t play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.
- Real Programmers don’t document. Documentation is for simps who can’t read the listings or the object deck.
- Real Programmers only write specs for languages that might run on future hardware. Nobody trusts them to write specs for anything homo sapiens will ever be able to fit on a single planet.
- Real Programmers spend 70% of their work day fiddling around and then get more done in the other 30% than a user could get done in a week.
- Real Programmers are surprised when the odometers in their cars don’t turn from 99999 to 9999A.
- Real Programmers are concerned with the aesthetics of their craft; they will writhe in pain at shabby workmanship in a piece of code.
- Real Programmers think they know the answers to your problems, and will happily tell them to you rather than answer your questions.
- Real Programmers don’t think that they should get paid at all for their work, but they know that they’re worth every penny that they do make.
- Real Programmers log in first thing in the morning, last thing before they go to sleep, and stay logged in for lots of time in between.
- Real programmers don’t draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are after all, the illerate’s form of documentation.
- Real Programmers don’t write in Lisp. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses than actual code.
- Real Programmers don’t write in Pascal, Ada or any of those other pinko computer science languages. Strong variable typing is for people with weak memories.
- Real Programmers don’t like the team programming concept. Unless, of course, they are the Chief Programmer.
- Real programmers ignore schedules.
- Real Programmers don’t bring brown bag lunches to work. If the vending machine sells it, they eat it. If the vending machine doesn’t sell it, they don’t eat it.
- Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
This entry was posted
on Friday, February 17th, 2006 at 19:10 and is filed under Humor.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Hilarious!